The Mind Reader News

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Tuesday, January 29, 2013 - 10:52

Route 155

I'm glad to report that the five villages evening pub bus - the 155 - is alive and well, all thanks to the sterling work of the friends of that service. Though with the demise of the White Horse in Borstal, perhaps the bus should now terminate at the Waterman's Arms in Wouldham?

For those who wish to know more about the 155 and its meanderings, just hop over to the its website and count the surviving pubs still on its route.

Mogass Date

Hula Fuq Cares

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Tuesday, January 22, 2013 - 14:46

The Creatives of Creatabot

I have been reliably informed that the Medway based website, Creatabot, has fallen foul of ancient planning and grammar laws and will be served with 'cease and desist' notice by the Strood Poetical Society. Their crime, it appears, is the illegal use of a protected adjective. They have sneakily stuck an s on the end of 'creative' and are misusing the blighter as a collective noun. This has caused a rift in the time/space/medway continuum and has left homeless, the perfectly good noun: creator. If creative types wish to label themselves as a collective group, then they should call themselves creators, and not bully poor adjectives in to becoming awkward nouns. The only way that that can be done is to purchase a valid poetic license from the appropriate authorities, which in this case is the Strood Poetical Society. A consequence of this action is the proliferation of other such groups, namely the destructives of Destructabot, and the deconstructives of post-modernist-bot. Only chaos will ensue, and I foresee terrible times ahead with the destructives and deconstructives causing mayhem and bad coffee at the Deaf Cat Cafe.

You have been warned.  

Hula Fuq Cares

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Friday, December 23, 2011 - 10:59

Revolution!

When my brother was small he tried to incite a revolution. He was in primary school, aged about seven, and didn’t want to be there. He saw school as a prison. His justification for this was that he no choice but to go. If didn’t go he was in serious trouble. And not only that, when he was there he was treated as a slave. He was made to do things against his will. Study things that were of no interest. They would not let him play or draw. Those were the things that he really wanted to do. And not only that, the situation was so hypocritical. He was told that he lived in a free country. He was told that, Britain, unlike Russia or china was a free country. Well, being forced to go to school didn’t strike him as being very free. He was pissed off about it. He told the teachers his opinions. They dismissed his complaints. One day, in the school playground, he stood on a wall and told everyone how they were not free. But that it didn’t have to be that way. That if they banded together and walked out the teachers would not be able to stop them. After all, the oppressed kids were in the majority. The kids listened. My brother, carried away by his apparent oratory skills, said that they should go further than that,  and that they should burn the school. The kids agreed. So my brother stepped off of his soap box and led the kids across the playground. “Burn the school! Burn the school!” they chanted. They congregated outside the staff room window. “Burn the school! Burn the school!” they shouted. The teachers looked out of the windows bemused. The kids continued to chant. A teacher stepped out and faced them. A stern teacher, a scary teacher. One that knew how to shout. One that wore a shiny nylon shirt with sweat stained armpits. He folded his arms. He tapped his foot… and shouted. The revolution folded. The school did not burn. And the teachers went back to their fags and coffee. The status quo was preserved.

Hula Fuq Cares

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Friday, December 23, 2011 - 10:17

Chatham dockyard - Grim, Grimey and Grey.

Ever since I was sixteen, when I started work at Chatham dockyard, my aesthetics have been warped towards the grim, grey and grimy. Nothing could beat a cold foggy day in that place. Steam puffing from cracks in the ground, deformed dockyard cats battling with diseased and rancid rats. Pneumatic hammers pounding the side of ships. I loved that place. The dockyard matey coughing his guts up and depositing his oysters. The tea huts, not of hell, but of refuge and hiding. Dirty white woollen coats piled in the corner for dossing. The deformed men who scuttled in the bilges whispering conspiracies from the corners of their mouth. My father hated this place. Chatham Jack hated this place. But who are they but disaffected sensitives? Art? I’ll give you art! A thousand tubes of oil paint and million brush strokes is not worth the rivets  rusting bastille bridge. Feel it, touch it. Pick the flaking paint, stiff and sharp from the half-round rivet head. Feel it get under your finger nail. The sharp pain. Your nail will bleed. Pain. That is the dockyard. The home of rope makers. The home of boilermakers. The home of sail makers.

Hula Fuq Cares

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Wednesday, December 14, 2011 - 09:16

Middleclass Billy

Middle class Billy childishIs it me, or has anyone else noticed that Chatham’s greatest artist - Billy Childish - is becoming increasingly middleclass? His standard attire is now that of a 1920s – slightly eccentric – gentleman, when not so long ago, he was a 1900s working man, complete with dirty vest and hobnailed boots. Today, he looks  more like a member of the landed gentry. Maybe, because it’s  only the landed gentry who can now afford his paintings. Nice touch though, and I’m glad that the boy from Chatham is finally rolling in money - or at least seems to be. But I am tempted to shout, “Get back to your roots Billy!” But the thing is, he already has. The tea huts of hell never were his natural habitat. And deep in his soul he knew that the dockyard would have destroyed him. Good thing too I suppose. Last thing we grubby boilermakers wanted in our tea huts was a disaffected poet. Or poets of any kind. (Excepting shit house poets that is) No, he did the right thing. The dockyard would’ve have destroyed him, and Medway would have been all the worse for it. And who knows, now that Billy Childish is finally becoming respectable, he might be in line for Charlie Dickens’ job when he’s finally retired off. I can see it now. The Medway towns ‘Billy’ festival of 2159. Rochester High street thronged with costumed, moustachioed Billy’s. I wonder if he would approve?
 

Hula Fuq Cares

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