Lupen Crook

Lupen Crook The party line at Ban the Mind Reader is to hate art and to hate artists. We were doing this before Chatham Jack saw the light and instituted his much publicised,

National Art Hate Week, but we do it quietly, without swastikas, and with a clean upper lip. Sometimes it is a hard line to follow, especially when four dead Stuckists were found stuck in the mud, and choked on their 101, turgid manifestos. That - we thought, figuratively speaking, was the best conceptual art project ever conceived. It is difficult to hate four dead Stuckists, but we tried and we succeeded, and ever since then our resolve has been strong. But recently there has been a new challenger. Lupen Crook - he of the Murder Birds.

A bloody good Trubadour

Lupen is a newcomer to us. We're old farts, middle aged and grumpy, and do not keep up with the new talent. But he came to our attention at Wise old Dave's Theatre Royal film. We heard him sing and was impressed with his stuff. Original and thought provoking. Nothing wrong with that, we like that sort of thing, reminds us of the times before Blair and his cronies educated the crap out everyone. Original thinkers are needed. But not needed to paint! And that I'm afraid is what Lupen does. Not only does he sing songs but he paints pictures too. And even exhibits them! We tried to ignore it, but when Wise Dave ranted that nobody was going to see Lupen's work at the Nucleus Art Centre, we decided to put on our collective bowler hat and see what the fuss was all about. Cos what Chatham don't need is another singing artist with strategic dyslexia.

An Exhibition Art by Lupen Crook and the Mrs.

The exhibition ran from 22nd September until the 29th.

The NAC in Chatham, the Nucleus Art Centre, is where the pictures were shown. It is a very good place to drink a nice cup of coffee and to eat a nice bit of cake. And that we did, until we could put it off no longer, and had to open the door and look at the pictures. We were relieved, our first glances told us that this was the usual tat, and that our policy of art hatred would not be tested. But then we saw them. A small collection of gems laid on the floor. Pictures by the unknown missus. Pornography! We were gutted. We, at the Ban the Mind Reader, have always admired the Shit-house arts, be it poetry or pictures. And these were they. A study of buggery, blowjobs, and teddy bears with strap-ons! It reminded me of my dockyard days, when I was a bolier-maker, when I used to take a dump in trap number five in the bogs at number two basin. Always a good exhibition of the shit-house arts there, and often with a good narrative too; usually about the futility of standing on the seat and of the virulent leaping crabs. Anyway ... Nice to know that Lupen - or the Mrs - not sure who, is continuing the tradition. And selling them too! The depiction of a back door rogering was priced at £500. And what with the NAC adding their 25% plus vat it all adds up to a tidy sum. Those old shit-house artists of Chatham Dockyard must be turning in their grave. If only they'd had the business acumen of Lupen and the Mrs. They'd've made a fortune!

Too Scared to Show the Pictures

We took a few snaps of the highly priced toilet pictures but are too scared to show them. You'll have to be content with the ones up above. Tame by comparison.